i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
