I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
