tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
what the fuck happened to the tacos
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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