i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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