You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize