My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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