i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize