Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize