i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
