someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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