how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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