im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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