hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
