so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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