Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
