i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
