she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
