I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
