It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
