every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
