He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
