Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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