you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
