Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
