when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize