drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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