it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
