my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
