can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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