Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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