Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize