Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
