Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
