Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
