man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
