oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
