After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
