Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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