turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
