he thought i was a dude.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
