whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
