Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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