my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
