I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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