Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
