I've blown a few things in my day
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
