I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
