"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
