between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
They are going to name an STD after you.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize