After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Buhtt sex?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
