How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
