my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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