she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you didnt know i had herpes?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
