dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
