My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
