There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
