If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
