A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
