At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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