mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
