I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
