I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
