Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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