these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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