I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
