I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
