Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Randomize
